Creating Happiness

  Feeling stressed or overwhelmed like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Own less things! This is exactly how I started my new year, doing a detachment of material things by reviewing every single item in my closet and other areas of my house. The feeling of freedom with each full bag that left my house was kind of shocking. Getting rid of the unnecessary things in your home might just give you a fresh start and help you reduce stress, it gives you a sense of freedom, it supports better focus and it might even give you more confidence, let’s expand on these benefits. Reduced Stress and Improved Focus An overfilled or disorganized home can trigger your body to produce the stress hormone cortisol making you feel overwhelmed making it difficult for you to concentrate and get things done. Eliminating the excessive number of things on surfaces, clothes on closets, decorations and even furniture can reduce stress by creating a sense of control and order in your environment. It clears your mind allowing you to relax and a calm and relaxed mind is able to think at its full capacity, focus and concentrate to analyze situations and find solutions.     Feeling Free Are you a slave to your own possessions? Do you feel emotionally attached to material things or have the need to constantly buy more material things? The hardest part is getting started but once you find the power to let go, the feeling of freedom is just amazing. You will find yourself free from the expense of unnecessary spending, free from having a huge number of things to clean, free from the fear of unexpected visitors and free from the lack of space in your house. You will feel like a weight came off your shoulders, a feeling of unexplainable happiness. This is something that most of us don’t realize that by buying unnecessary material things aka clutter you are actually making your life worse.    More Confidence By reducing stress, feeling free and more focused, you could find yourself feeling more confident in many aspects of your life. Owning less can provide a sense of accomplishment and control over your environment, positively impacting your self-esteem. Now you will be able to easily find clothes in your closet which will make getting ready in the morning a piece of cake. You will feel confident feeling like your brain is working at full capacity at work due to your newly found focus. Problems become something easy to solve, just throw me another one! It’s exactly like they say, confidence is everything!     I couldn’t believe these benefits myself and I plan to continue working on my new semi-minimalist self throughout the year. In addition to improving your life, this lifestyle supports cutting back on spending, reducing waste and focusing on what’s really important in life. It’s all about owning less and living more and I am all in for that. Would you dare to try it?  

Having a grateful mindset all-year-round and not just on Thanksgiving Day is a positive trait to have. It is a trait that can help you be resilient and strong regardless of what life situation you might be in. What I mean by having a grateful mindset is appreciating what you do have in your life regardless of how small you might originally think they are and seeing them as big things. Here are three questions to help you reflect and feel grateful:   Do You Have Air in Your Lungs? I have air in my lungs. I can smell the flowers. I can hear birds singing. I can taste food. I can walk. I can feel the sun and the breeze of the ocean on my skin. I can talk. I can write. I can earn a living. I might need glasses sometimes but I have eyesight to see this beautiful world. I am grateful and feel strong because I know how lucky I am to be able to do all these things. Even though none of us know what tomorrow brings, I do know that having a grateful view of our current health status contributes to more health.     Have You Ever Overcome a Difficult Situation? I am proud of myself for everything I have been able to accomplish in my life regardless of the difficulties. Moving often as a child due to having parents from different countries. Learning English as a third language after moving to the United States as a teenager, going to college with a somewhat broken English, building a successful career in a highly competitive industry. Looking back, I am grateful for all these experiences because they made me the strong person I am today. Whatever your life situation was or is, make it a lesson of strength and have the confidence that once you overcome it, you will be stronger and nothing life throws at you can bring you down.     Do You Have Food and a Roof Over Your Head? I am grateful that I have food and a roof over my head. Some might think this is a silly thing to say but that is because some of us take these things for granted. Stop and think that about 1 billion of the world population does not have food to eat on a daily basis with as many as 1.6 billion people are lacking adequate housing and these are statistics that do not include the average struggling families. I feel extremely grateful to have a life where these immediate needs are always met. How this gives me strength? Even when lunch and dinner are not perfect, I am happy to have something to eat.  Even if we end up living in a tiny house (which we do contemplate sometimes) it is a roof and it will always be a happy place.     I do have a grateful mindset and I strive to always keep this mindset even when situations are challenging. And yes, one can say that things could be better, do not forget though that things could also be worse. Focus on the things that you do have in your life. Consequently, having the wisdom to see things that you might not currently have in your life as motivation points, positive life goals and dreams to be chased.

Do we ever overcome grief? My father passed away in February of 2024 at the age of 76. We were very close so this was the hardest thing I’ve had to go through in my life. I had to learn about grief and its stages in order to understand what I was going through and be able to know there was a light at the end of the tunnel and allow myself to go through the process. From the grief stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, this is what I’ve learned:    It's Okay to Feel Mixed Emotions For me all stages expect for one came together in full force, depression and denial followed by anger and bargaining and more depression. The feeling of deep sorrow took over me immediately after my father’s passing mixed with the feeling of not believing what had just happened. How can my father be gone? He seemed completely fine and making jokes before he went to the hospital earlier that week. Then, mixed with the deep sorrow and denial came the feeling of anger and bargaining when I found myself angrily playing the sequence of events of that week over and over in my head trying to find the areas where things could’ve been handled differently. These emotions are strong and seem to take over our lives but it is important to let these emotions happen in order to be able to start letting go and accepting.     Letting Go was the Most Difficult Part Since going back in time was not an option, I had to learn to be kind to myself and let go of the thoughts of the situations I didn’t have control over. Letting go of those thoughts was very difficult because it means to start creating the path for the acceptance process and to this day is something I work on a daily basis. We have to remember that although we might not have control over situations specially in situations of loss, we do have control over our thoughts and how we let them affect us. Letting go also means to let go of the sad memories that hurt us surrounding the passing of a loved one and choosing to remember the happy days with that person. In my case, I love remembering my father’s jokes and laugh.     Accepting Does Not Mean Forgetting your Loved One I miss my father and I know I always will. As part of the acceptance stage of grief, I have created ways that connect me with him. My father loved planting, nature in general and birds singing, so naturally I enjoy being in green areas and I find myself looking for birds that might be singing. In these settings, I allow myself to feel his presence and I allow myself to say a word or two to him in my mind. For me, creating a setting to connect with my father helped me with accepting the fact that he is no longer physically part of my life, however, knowing that I can feel his presence gives me the assurance that his soul lives on and that he’s still part of my life spiritually.     Time and Talking Do Help Allowing time to go through each of the stages of grief is extremely important and sometimes the different stages might come, go away, then come back again. Be patient with yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed. Talking things over and then over again definitely helps. In my case, my family was my support system through the roller coaster of emotions and I also was their support when they needed it. Now we can talk and mention my father without crying, most of the time.      (Older brother, mother, myself and younger brother in my father's hometown in Brazil where we brought his ashes in March of 2024)   I don’t think we overcome grief; I think that we learn to live with it. Understanding the stages of grief helped me understand myself. At this point, I can say that I have accepted the passing of my father, I know he’s in a better place now, not suffering and happily watching over us. Besides, like I told him on the moment he passed away in that hospital room while I was holding his hand, it was not a “good bye” just a “see you later”.

My mother was right when she said “Veinte años no es nada”, twenty years did fly by and here I am today in my 40s wondering where the time went. One thing is for sure though, I am much smarter and wiser. I’ve come to the conclusion that the longer you live the more you learn to enjoy life’s special moments and this is because as we get older, we learn what’s really important and have less tolerance for things that do not bring us happiness and peace. Here are the six things I wish I knew when I was 20. Who Cares What People Think About You People will criticize you no matter what you do so do what makes you happy in life. Always remind yourself what you are the owner of your own destiny and nobody else’s opinions matter. It is a skill that you have to practice on an ongoing basis to achieve proficiency and getting older is the perfect practice field for this. Be yourself, be happy and ignore the rest!   Do Not Compare Yourself to Others It’s very easy to compare ourselves to others, it must be human nature but we must fight against it. That comparison brings negative thoughts which prevent you from being your best self. We are all special in our own way and have something unique and valuable that nobody else has. Being older shows you that comparing yourself to others is wasted energy. Be and appreciate yourself! Always remember you’re beautiful! There’s only one “you” in this world!       The Small Things are the Big Things Little do we know when we are young that the little things are the big things in life. Time shows you that the smallest of the details can make lifetime memories and that those are the things that really matter in life. Take the time to smell the roses, feel the breeze of the ocean, make snow angels. Take everything in and enjoy every moment and every detail.     Don’t Settle for Anything Work hard, chase your dreams and don’t settle for anything! One of the best freedoms we have in life is to be able to choose, so choose to have the life that you see in your dreams and life aspirations. It took me many years to stop settling for things, now I am chasing my dreams, I kick routine in the butt and I am living the life that I want.     One Thing Never Changes, Money Does Buy Happiness I am sorry to tell you but money does buy happiness. However, in my 20s, the happiness money bought was the new outfits, the best seats to a concert and that trip to Europe. I still like those things but what’s more important to me now is what I can do for my family and I am not talking about being rich or anywhere close to that. Money buys us experiences like going to Disney World together, eating at iconic restaurants, helping our kids with college expenses but most importantly money gives me the peace of mind of having a comfortable home and good food on the table. This makes me happy.       Life is Short The sooner we learn that our time in this world is limited the sooner we start actually living. Don’t leave for tomorrow the things you want to do today because tomorrow might never come. Create a bucket list and start checking things off, the earlier you start the better. Life is short but is also the most beautiful present we could have received. Let’s make the best of it!     Too bad we couldn’t be this wise at the age of 20 but is never too late to learn. A life well lived is the only thing we can all hope for and always remember that getting older is a privilege that many do not get to experience. Have a good life!